Hoping to post the next link in my relationship chain, I toyed with the direction of my blog as well as the next character I would introduce and disclose. I googled dating, and I receive invitations that would offer free profile building throughout the holiday. Then I tried rules of dating, wondering how far down “He’s Just Not That into You” would be listed.
And eventually I began a search for dating Black Women (being one, not interested in them- must be clear at all times!). I’m not even sure what I was hoping to find but I came across a title as I skimmed the results that was interesting. The author wrote “The Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard to Date a Black Woman” by one Matthew Lynch. “Oh…” I thought.
Not only are there a few reasons, but there are enough reason to warrant a top ten. And my daddy said you don’t want anything that’s too easy.
As I wait on the full content to load- I am anxiously reading a disclaimer across the top assuring me that the view of opinion submitted in the article do not necessarily reflect the views of the website it is viewable on. Intuition says I am going to be offended. The article reads-Unlike black women who struggle against the current of the apparent man shortage, searching for eligible candidates is not an arduous task for black men, and never has been (I chuckle, can’t argue with that).
He goes on to say that African Americans, especially men, are no longer interested in courting and dating. He states that we don’t have the patience that is essential in selecting our partners for life. Not far from the truth, I decide to keep reading because I have yet to see why it’s difficult to date me. Mr. Lynch goes on to speak about the options, intrigue, and the practicality of dating outside of our race. He seems puzzled as to if the black man is intimidated by the self sufficient black woman, or even turned off by her strong sense of independence ( My guess a little bit of both, from a women who is strong and self sufficient).
His assumptions, educated guesses, and small survey finally lead to the list. It consists of sorted copouts, if you will. From black women expect too much and are gold diggers to not catering to our men. It states black women make black men feel under appreciated, too independent and head strong, not sexually open as other races, our tolerance is low, and that we are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
A mouthful, I know.
My first instinct was to jump to the defense of my sisters and follow up with a little male bashing. But I think there are a few things that I have to remember. I am not single for any of those reasons. Not to say that some black women aren’t single for those very reasons. But I must point out how most women share the so- called negative traits that are pinned on just black women. How we deal with past situations, or how we treat the next person who looked like the last person that did us wrong all plays a significant role in moving forward. I don’t believe that black men as a whole have stopped dating us.
Some have while others love and look for the strong character traits that their mothers and aunts possess. My man will. He will appreciate me being supportive. He will joke with his friends about my strong headedness. And he will come home to my open arms, knowing that just because I may have raised my voice, or rolled my eyes that he is still the man in our relationship. I am merely offering advice, opinions, and suggestions for us to be successful together.
Now if he as a black man cannot stand a little heat (because it will get hot), then he is just not the man for me, but maybe for the next black or white woman.