Dating Isn’t Always Fun…

Well my instincts were right on. We were together again. But this time, being a little older and more mature, I wasn’t impressed with how he was beginning to settle for the glam of his chosen lifestyle. I have wasted so much time in my life, but I was truly displeased with how he was wasting his. Needless to say, it wasn’t for me and we went our separate ways. (Let me reiterate how much I loved this man and how tough this transition would be). Months would go by and I wouldn’t hear from him, but then out of the blue he would call. He would work himself back into my weak spot and we would talk, at first every blue moon then more frequently until it became regular again. At some point the calls, remembering the good times and laughing with him became too much for me.

I started to miss him and I wanted all of him, so my simple suggestion because I couldn’t actually voice my feelings to him- I would ignore his calls. He would get disgusted with me and that would be the start of our next 5 or 6 month hiatus.  I befriended a nice guy about the same time I met Mr. Football, and he was well aware of the past relationship. He was a big guy, with lots of personality and could dance. There were a lot of jokes concerning that fact, but the boy did win a dance contest that earned him a nickname.

He was the first guy I dated that actually wanted to go out and do things- real dates. We would double and triple date to restaurants, other states for outlet shopping, and even on a cruise that he paid for.  Now keep in mind we were only about twenty –two or twenty- three years old at the time. So that was major, and none of my friends could say the same had been done for them. Persuading myself that I would never be on the receiving end of infidelity, I tried to be careful. I would entertain other guys every now and then, never with the intention of getting caught and trying to avoid the hurt. (So I thought). Somewhere along the lines though, I believe he was actually into me, at first.

And as the story goes, Mr. Excitement and I broke up (that’s what young couples do, break up to make up) and I sought out Mr. Football once again. I try to be as honest as my conscious makes me be so I told my traveler that I had been seeing my ex, during our time off. That was only necessary because we were giving each other another chance, but I could hear the tone in his voice changing. He had decided at the point that I wasn’t to be trusted but for some reason we tried it anyway. It went down hill, as he tried to destroy my confidence (sort of dramatic but that’s how it felt to me). He started to point out all my flaws and making smug comments all the time to any and everything I would say. He soon transferred universities, and I would visit him on occasion because I wanted it to work. Besides, we all know that he was acting out, because I’d revisited a relationship with my previous ex. He acted as if he could handle the truth, but he couldn’t.

I remember him telling me how many girls on his new yard wanted to date him. But yet again, one smart-aleck comment lead to another, I felt he was getting full of himself, in my eyes anyway. I could no longer take it, so we broke up.  I was a bit childish as well in some of my own actions and behaviors, so by no means am I alluding to this being entirely his fault. We both could have done things differently at some point to save our relationship. But I often asked myself would it have been worth it???